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Red Robin- Bruschetta Chicken Burger by Dr. Mary T. Burgers
Mar 19th, 2009 by maryburgers

Red Robin

Langhorne, prostate PA


I had never been to a Red Robin because I had only seen them in Hershey, sildenafil PA, viagra the land of Terrible Chocolate, but I was intrigued by its gaudy, bright red decor and that it claimed to purvey GOURMET BURGERS AND SPIRITS. Luckily, I had the opportunity to eat’n'review before going all the way to Neshaminy to see the Watchmen movie. I sort of wanted to try the Burnin’ Love Burger but there is no way in hell I am asking anyone for a Burnin’ Love Burger. I didn’t order Moons Over My Hammy the one time I’ve been to a Denny’s since they cleaned them out of Pennsylvania, and I don’t use any of the various sizing systems ridiculous trendy eateries try to trick me into using. You will never hear me asking for a size “Gotta Have It” vanilla ice cream, so don’t even try, Coldstone. This is definitely something I should be telling the whole internet!: I have a weak digestive system so instead of risking Burnin’ Love in the middle of Watchmen, I opted for the Bruschetta Chicken Burger.

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BrokenCYDE: “Freaxxx” Music Video by Dr. Mary T Burgers
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers


I got farther into “Two Girls One Cup” than I did into this music video.

And the music from Two Girls was better.

0/6 Burgers

American Star Diner: Turkey Burger Deluxe by Commodore Xiane F. Burgers (9/18/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers

American Star Diner in Lansdale, store PA
Turkey Burger Deluxe – $6.75

I’ve once before ordered a turkey burger in a diner, healing and was disappointed, but I figured I’d try again at American Star because you just have to trust something that is so American.

I thought about ordering a milkshake but I realized I was going to eat some burger and fries and could not also eat a milkshake. I know that I ate burger, fries, milkshake and cake at the same time regularly from 2002 to 2004.  I will remember September 17, 2006 forever as the day I acknowledged defeat after a two-year battle waged by the combined forces of every kind of fat. I just can’t cram them all in any more. I apologize to the readers of

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American Star Diner: Cheddar Cheese and Mushroom Burger by Dr. Mary T. Burgers (9/17/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers

American Star Diner in North Wales, discount PA
Cheddar Cheese and Mushroom Burger- $4.50

After a disappointing trip to the Blue Bell Diner where we learned that it is under new management, management that LIES about the hours of the establishment without remorse or apology, we headed to to the American Star.

Our waiter was checking out my sister. That’s sleazy. Also, he didn’t ask us how we wanted our burgers cooked. So for service that’s a 2 out of 6 burgers.

The burger itself had melty cheese, but I expected to be a sharper cheddar. It didn’t say on the menu that it’d be sharp but we all know sharp cheddar is the only cheddar worth having. It was cooked well enough and it came with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes on the side. I thought I liked the fries but then I thought, “This must be like what human fat tastes like” because it was so over-fried and greasy. That wasn’t a rational thought, but after that I couldn’t finish my burger.

The mushrooms were really good.
I give the burger 3 out of 6 burgers.

American Star Diner: California Burger Deluxe by Rev Evelyn G. Burgers (9/17/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by evelyn

American Star Diner in North Wales, mind PA
California Burger Deluxe – $ 6.45

I didn’t know what the difference between a normal burger and a California burger was when I ordered it, ambulance because there was no description.  I figured I would allow myself to be surprised, in the spirit of burgers.  Medium mistake!  I’m pretty sure the California Burger Deluxe is the most expensive burger on the menu unless you get one with like every topping, but all the California Burger Deluxe is is a normal burger with one slice of green pepper, plus all the normal burger vegetable toppings (lettuce, tomato, onion).  The normal burger there is obviously of the frozen patty variety, in the shape of a flower, or the shape of something in a cartoon that has been flattened and splattered, or the shape of a thought bubble.  The waiter didn’t ask us how we wanted our burgers done, so they were generically cooked-grey all the way through.  It wasn’t bad though.  It was a burger.  And the roll was pretty good.  The fries there are pretty good even though they are also obviously of the frozen variety.  They’re battered, and crispy on the outside and nice and fluffy on the inside.  Ok, but even with the good roll, good fries, and decent size of the burger, why is this meal six and a half dollars, making it like 2 dollars more than the other burgers?!  A slice of green pepper.  If I were a different kind of crazy person, I would have refused to pay that much.

2/6 burgers.

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