Arnold’s Way
Lansdale, see PA
Raw “Pizza†w/ avocado: 7.95
Raw Raspberry “Cheesecakeâ€- ~$5
Raw “Chocolate†“Mouse†Pie ~$5
Banana Whip- $2.95
When you first walk into Arnold’s Way, levitra you are greeted by two things: an image of a young man labeled “Arnold at 18- 44 years ago!!†and Arnold himself. Perhaps this is a testament to the raw diet he so vehemently supports and shills, buy cialis but dude does not look much older than 40. There are other posters and articles plastered all over the store, one of which was a news article about an employee of the cafe who used to be a fat opera singer who lost weight by becoming a raw chef. The initial good feeling I had about the cafe faded because who the hell wants an opera singer who isn’t fat?
Arnold was nice enough to let us in and make food for us shortly before closing, though. I got a salad for my mom, a banana whip for my little brother, and a raw pizza, a raw cheesecake, and a raw chocolate “mouse†pie to share with my sister. You may wonder how I can eat that much, but I am serious about opera singing, unlike the chef who worked there.
Arnold was pretty curious about my little brother, who has severe autism, and the kind of diet we force-feed him. I severely alarmed him by telling him that one of my little brother’s favorite foods is hot dogs, which are full of preservatives. Thankfully Arnold schooled me about autism and how it wasn’t my brother’s inability to breathe during his birth that caused brain damage; it was really the vaccines he got months after being diagnosed. This was a relief to hear because I found out I can cure my brother by feeding him raw food instead of hot dogs!
I feel kinda bad taking jabs at his attitude considering he was an otherwise pretty cool guy. The problem is that you never want to think that people who are really gung-ho about an unorthodox lifestyle will actually be some living stereotype that makes the “unorthodox†elements look like “wacky bullshit†just by virtue of being associated with the other wacky bullshit the practitioner believes in.
That is to say that if you actually believe autism is caused by vaccines it makes your decision to never cook your damn food seem even more ridiculous than it already sounds.
Unfortunately my brother was really uninterested in the banana whip we got him, so I was forced to stuff it in my gob. It was really quite tasty. It is kind of like a really thick banana ice cream without the ice cream because we do not put the dairy in the raw food. Anyway, it is a tasty dessert and ostensibly pretty healthy so I didn’t feel so guilty for inhaling it.
6/6 Burgers
As for the pizza, it was not a pizza. It was not a close approximation of a pizza. It was some salad on a flax crust with mushrooms and tomatoes and some sort of tomato sauce. I shared it with my sister and though it looked small, it was incredibly filling. For a pile of uncooked vegetables pretending to be a pizza, it was actually delicious. I am really picky about pizza and the only place I liked around here closed because the creepy old guy owner slept with a 15 year old, so I need some replacement pizza. If I were mean I’d judge this as a real pizza, but I am nice so I will judge it as a salad with a dumb gimmick.
5/6 Burgers
My little sister ate most of the “mouse†pie (I am so annoyed by typing that!!) but I had a fair amount (opera singer in training here!), enough to know what was up. The pie crust was some more flax bread. It was inoffensive but not really tasty. The body of it was carob-coconut pudding. I hate coconut! There was no coconut advertised and I was mad. It wasn’t present enough to completely ruin it, thankfully. Carob is a legume that dogs and vegans, both of whom are too dumb to know the difference, eat instead of chocolate. It was pretty good pudding-on-flax, but I am not going to pretend like this is anywhere near as good as an actual mousse pie. The “pizza†gave real pizza a run for its money, but this is a joke in comparison.
3.5/6 Burgers
I saved the most delicious and most puzzling for last. The first few bites of the raw cheesecake were really surprising. It tasted actually kind of like a cheesecake, aside from the liquid texture. This also had a flax crust but it was confusing my brain with its natural ingredients and lack of actual cheese and cake. About half-way through, I felt really full. I really wanted to finish it but I couldn’t. And every time I thought about finishing it I felt full. This went on for a week, even after I had thrown the rest of it out. I then lost so much weight that when I went to my audition for the Curtis School of Music, they rejected me for being too skinny.
Arnold’s Way ruined my music career.
Thanks a lot.
(6/6 for the cheesecake)
