Anybody who knows the Lady Doctor Burgers knows she loves two things: 1. talking in third person, and 2. drinking tea. She often gets tired of the first, but never of the second.

One of her– ok I’m tired of this shit– one of MY favorite varieties of tea is Thai iced tea, specifically the magnificently tasty kind you get in Thai restaurants that are hyper-sweetened and you have to stir the evaporated milk mixture in at the top. You know what I’m talking about, right? I’ve often expressed interest to others about making it at home, have researched the methods, but have never found the means to successfully recreate the experience at home.

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American Star Diner in North Wales, PA
California Burger Deluxe – $ 6.45

I didn’t know what the difference between a normal burger and a California burger was when I ordered it, because there was no description.  I figured I would allow myself to be surprised, in the spirit of burgers.  Medium mistake!  I’m pretty sure the California Burger Deluxe is the most expensive burger on the menu unless you get one with like every topping, but all the California Burger Deluxe is is a normal burger with one slice of green pepper, plus all the normal burger vegetable toppings (lettuce, tomato, onion).  The normal burger there is obviously of the frozen patty variety, in the shape of a flower, or the shape of something in a cartoon that has been flattened and splattered, or the shape of a thought bubble.  The waiter didn’t ask us how we wanted our burgers done, so they were generically cooked-grey all the way through.  It wasn’t bad though.  It was a burger.  And the roll was pretty good.  The fries there are pretty good even though they are also obviously of the frozen variety.  They’re battered, and crispy on the outside and nice and fluffy on the inside.  Ok, but even with the good roll, good fries, and decent size of the burger, why is this meal six and a half dollars, making it like 2 dollars more than the other burgers?!  A slice of green pepper.  If I were a different kind of crazy person, I would have refused to pay that much.

2/6 burgers.

1.  Trash:  5 empty Deer Park bottles, an empty Jones Berry Lemonade soda can, some broken CD-Rs, wrapping paper.  Well, I feel proud that I have drunk five bottles of water today, but obviously I don’t really need any of this crap on my desk, I’m just lazy.   And the picture of the wrapping paper makes it look cooler than it does in real life.  1/6 burgers.

2.  Dishes:  2 vermont mugs and a small bowl with a fork.  I love both of these Vermont mugs.  I love the cows on the white one, and the colors in the picture and the font “Vermont” is written in.  I love the blue one because it has mooses on it.  In the white mug, though, is a bunch of old tea bags.  I guess 3 of them are from today.  The bowl used to have some rice pilaf with almonds in it.  That was good!  But it’s not there anymore.  Ok, dirty dishes: 2/6 burgers.

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Agave Grill

Shrimp & Avacado Quesadilla – $14
Chicken Enchiladas – $14.50
Fried Ice Cream – probably like $5

Remember how sushi was like the huge food of the turn of the century?  All the cool people were eating it, and if you had never tried it or said you didn’t like it you were a hick or a thug.  Now there’s a Japanese place in every town.  Well, those days are over.  It’s not cool to eat sushi anymore, unless you’re in 3rd grade.  I know, because in the waiting room at my dance studio, that’s what all the little kids are eating.  Now the fashionable thing is Mexican.  If you say it gives you gas, you are ignored.  If you say it’s too spicy, you are ostracized.  If you say that it’s poor people’s food because it’s only rice and corn and beans and cheese, you’re wrong because now there’s Agave Grill and La Cava in Ambler, and they’re totally for hip people, not poor people.

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