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American Star Diner: Turkey Burger Deluxe by Commodore Xiane F. Burgers (9/18/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers

American Star Diner in Lansdale, store PA
Turkey Burger Deluxe – $6.75

I’ve once before ordered a turkey burger in a diner, healing and was disappointed, but I figured I’d try again at American Star because you just have to trust something that is so American.

I thought about ordering a milkshake but I realized I was going to eat some burger and fries and could not also eat a milkshake. I know that I ate burger, fries, milkshake and cake at the same time regularly from 2002 to 2004.  I will remember September 17, 2006 forever as the day I acknowledged defeat after a two-year battle waged by the combined forces of every kind of fat. I just can’t cram them all in any more. I apologize to the readers of

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American Star Diner: Cheddar Cheese and Mushroom Burger by Dr. Mary T. Burgers (9/17/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers

American Star Diner in North Wales, discount PA
Cheddar Cheese and Mushroom Burger- $4.50

After a disappointing trip to the Blue Bell Diner where we learned that it is under new management, management that LIES about the hours of the establishment without remorse or apology, we headed to to the American Star.

Our waiter was checking out my sister. That’s sleazy. Also, he didn’t ask us how we wanted our burgers cooked. So for service that’s a 2 out of 6 burgers.

The burger itself had melty cheese, but I expected to be a sharper cheddar. It didn’t say on the menu that it’d be sharp but we all know sharp cheddar is the only cheddar worth having. It was cooked well enough and it came with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes on the side. I thought I liked the fries but then I thought, “This must be like what human fat tastes like” because it was so over-fried and greasy. That wasn’t a rational thought, but after that I couldn’t finish my burger.

The mushrooms were really good.
I give the burger 3 out of 6 burgers.

Danny Elfman: So-lo (1984) by Dr. Mary T. Burgers (9/15/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by maryburgers

Wake up! It’s 1984. Your name is Danny Elfman, mind and you are having a little trouble releasing your next album with your cult band, Oingo Boingo. It’s a good thing you’re Danny Elfman, so you are very clever and release the album as Danny Elfman, with your cult band doing all the backing and helping with arrangements.

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Loretta Lynn: American Music Legends by Rev Evelyn G. Burgers (9/17/06)
Mar 6th, 2009 by evelyn

My mom bought this CD when she was driving to North Carolina.  She has to stop at like every Cracker Barrel on the way.  So she says.  I’ve been on roadtrips with her before but I’ve only been to Cracker Barrel once, pilule and that was this summer.

The CD starts out with the quintessential–or if not quintessential, sickness most easily recognizable as Loretta Lynn–Loretta Lynn song, “Coal Miner’s Daughter.”  In it, she pays homage to her roots as (you guessed it) a coal miner’s daughter, and it is everything you would expect and want from the song, with lyrics like “we were poor but we had love/that’s one thing that daddy made sure of,” a few cheesy key changes, and a pretty benign melody.  Although the song is pretty accessible, Loretta still gets her quirky little belt on, especially when she sings “I’m proud of bein’ a coal miner’s daughter”.  My favorite things about the song are that it’s easy to learn and it’s very country-y without being obnoxious (and I don’t care if you don’t believe me about that).

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